Was it worth it?

I've had a couple of people ask me if college was what I expected it to be or was it better or worse. Guess I might as well write on it and then anyone can read it if they really want to know. Well, I'm not entirely sure what my expectations were. There's all the stuff you see in movies and on tv about college and the little bit your friends tell you, but I knew that wouldn't be my experience. After all, I was going to a tiny Christian, liberal arts school, not the ivy league giant of my dreams. Not to mention I went in knowing there was something wrong with me and after less than a month there, I knew that there was no way I was going to have the "normal" college experience. I suppose my expectations were that it would be very hard, my grades would drop some, and it would be difficult for me to make close friends. In regard to those, it was hard, my grades have taken a hit but not really dropped overall, and I made some close friends but they aren't always what I expect. I, of course, didn't expect to be so sick and had no idea the way it would change my life. But what I really didn't expect was the incredible amount of grace that has been extended to me. The grace of my family when I have been obnoxious, unreasonable, grumpy, and emotional. The grace of my professors for exams and papers and leaving class. The grace of my friends for trying to understand, listening to me complain, and meeting me where I am at even when it is a long way from where they are. The grace of God as I backed away from him and as I make hesitant and often bumbling steps back. The person who has extended the least amount of grace to me is myself. My perfectionist tendencies and my strict ideals have not allowed much grace for my short-comings. Part of my learning experience at college has been finding that not everything I thought was a fault is one and the ones that are won't be fixed by beating myself up. It is hard to become a graceful young women that extends grace to others when you cannot extend that same grace to yourself. So, to answer the original question. I didn't have enough expectations to have them broken or fulfilled. College, however, was incredible. I haven't regretted going for a single moment.

Once a queen of Narnia...

Warning: This has a few vague spoilers if you haven't seen the movie. I also take the Chronicles of Narnia kind of seriously so if you don't, just stop reading here.

So last night I went to see the premier of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Altogether, I loved it, possibly more than the first film. Yes, they did deviate from the book, but in most places that didn't bother me. The one place it did was with Susan. I loved Susan's character. She is the warrior queen, strong and beautiful. There aren't always enough of those kind of good characters in movies and books. There was also the romance between Caspian and Susan which didn't really bother me all that much either. However, as much as loved Susan's character, what bothered me was it wasn't Susan. Some of the very reasons she was my favorite character were done away with in the film.

It all started with me listening to the Chronicles of Narnia on my iPod this past year. The last time I had read any of them was a good ten years ago and I didn't remember anything. So, when I found out that Susan doesn't go back to Narnia in the end, it made me sad. I know it doesn't say anything about her future and I firmly believe that she makes it eventually, but I found so much of myself to be similar to her that it disappointed me. My impression of Susan from the books is that she is a very practical, mothering person. She is hesitant because she is careful and sensible. Susan is the one who is ready to turn back from Narnia and go home, to wish they never came, and to think it is a bad idea to chase the stag. Adventure is risky so it is better to turn back and be safe. I see that in myself. I want adventure but I am afraid to go forward. She is called Queen Susan the Gentle. That is why it bothers me that she is fighting. Not because I don't think she shouldn't participate in the battle but because that is not what Susan would do. She doesn't fight because she can't stand to harm anything. Perhaps my "gentleness" would arise more from fear, but I can't stand to watch fights and if it came to war I could be hiding inside, thank you very much. Susan is a practical, sensible, logical person and I can't say that I would have been much more likely to have believed Lucy. In The Last Battle we find out that she has become more interested in clothes and being the wrong kind of grown up and is "no longer a friend of Narnia." I don't think there was a time when I haven't been in danger of that myself. So why do I want Susan to remain as she was in the books even though she is "better" in the movie? Because in the book, I can be Susan. Me, who is not brave, who does not like fighting, who will turn back, who is too practical, who doesn't alway believe, who sometimes wants to be too grown-up, who cares too much about the way I look-that person can be a queen in Narnia. And for that same reason, I must believe that she makes it to Narnia in the end.

As for the romance, that's not why we go to Narnia and the movie could have been just as good without it.



What I did absolutely love about the movie that surprised me was Edmund. You could see the story of his redemption continuing. Now we see what Aslan knew all along-the person Edmund could become. He is a courageous and forgiving person who has learned from his mistakes. Edmund was easily my favorite person in the movie.



Though I must say that Lucy would have been a close second. She was absolutely wonderful. I think Georgie Henley captures the character of Lucy magnificently.

Peter, on the other hand, was obnoxiously arrogant. It was his turn to learn a lesson. I didn't like him but I didn't mind that they did it. What I found to be very realistic was his fight in the train station. When Susan reminds him that they are kids, Peter's response is that he wasn't always. I think that's exactly how he would be. Once you have been the high king of a nation, why would you want to bow and scrape before others? For the same reason, I can sympathize with Susan when she says that she has just adjusted to life in England again. She had done the sensible thing and learned to make the best of the life she was left with. I can think of many times when a good thing has been denied and I resign myself to it and then it is thrust on me. It annoys me. Why couldn't I be given it before I had resigned myself? Of course I am happy, but still annoyed.



This was a great movie and I'm sorry that this has been really long. Kudos to you if you made it through the whole thing.